I hate your face
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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