I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
