she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
