Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
