I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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