i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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