I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
