I think my fart just growled at me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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