Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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