So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need to get me chipped asap
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