There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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