Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
