I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
