Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
