That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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