This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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