i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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