well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
