Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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