you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
