This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize