how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
