woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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