where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
