She's JV to your varsity
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
