i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
