I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
