haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
