Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
