Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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