We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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