watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
