he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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