I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
