now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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