So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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