it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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