the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
