Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
