It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
