So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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