If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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