the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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