I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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