I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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