I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
