Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
