you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
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I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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