I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
