I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
