i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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