Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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