Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
