I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
