I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
